will.u.be.with.me

[[Wednesday, January 21, 2004]]

today is really a terrible day .. currently feel damn sad now .. i also dunno why .. may be is because someone's word that struck me ... why should i be sad and disappointed when i already tell myself i should not like her anymore ... haiz ... althought i noe its a lie ... but ... i still keep telling myself ... no one really understand how sad and i now ... can u guyz juz imagine ... living in a world full of LIES of urself's ... God ... that feel even more terrible than someone else who lied to u ... man .. i wonder how come i can still continue my life despite all these lies ... stupid ... everything seem to screw up since the starting of the yr ... math test with lousy results ... bi weekly hopeless ... haiz .. i dunno .. why so many girl come to me @ this point of time ... i am suppose to study this yr ... oh God .. plz help me ... my dad is here today ... so .. carn really slack for the next few dayz .. i thin i am going to break down soon ... may be this will be my last time blogging .. but who noes .. life is full of twist and turn .. one min u r nice to him and the next min u r a total stranger to him ... i promise u sth a min ago .. but i dunno if i will make the right choice whether to keep the promise or break it .. yar .. i think i also dunno wad i am typing abt .. i juz type wad comes out from my mind .. this entry .. no i should say all the entry r juz simply stupid ... why should there be love in this world ... it will juz destroy alot ppl's life .. i feel that i am juz a piece of shit right now ... i am so useless .. ppl say guyz r not suppose to cry ... budden .. guyz also have times when they r really sad ... yar .. and i feel so lonely this yr .. as in .. i dunno lah .. i feel so isolated from the skool mates ... my bandsmen ... my friendz .. irc friend ... my family ... i feel isolated and ... God is like leaving me agin although i noe he wont .. but i juz so scared dat i will be left alone someday ... i dunno ... right now ... i juz hope for that person's love ... i dunno ... i juz fall so deeply for her ... but its not her fault ... its mine lorh .. who ask me to like her in he first place .. haiz .. i feel totally stupid .. i am like a idiot ... being make fun of others and laugh by others ... so wad .. i dun think anyone will understand my feelingz now .. not even my parents .. not even my friendz .. wad r friend for .. they r juz useless piece of crap lah .. in times of need .. r they there ? ... i dunno .. the onli thing i noe is i am always left alone ... i hide thingz from my parents so dat they wont be worried for me .. yar .. and .. i dunno .. i really dunno .. feel like banging my head against the wall and juz die .. the can heck care abt everything ... i think dying is really a right choice lorh .. why many ppl think suicide is wrong ... can they understand the feeling of the suiciders .. no one will be so stupid to commit suicide under normal conscious ... but ... did ppl think b4 that these ppl r so sad to the extent that they does not have the conscious to noe dat suicide is bad ? .. i think they had made the right choice and .. i doubt if i have the courage to live on ... why should we say suicide is a coward action .. how many ppl have the courage to kill himself ... i dunno lah .. i think i gtg le .. yar ... i think i write until here .. hope it wont be my last blog entry ... but who cares .. dun think anyone come n read my blog .. and ... even if they do .. do they even care abt me ? i think they juz treat me as another normal friend ... dun think they even bother to think how i feel right now ..

william.lee.wei.yang
1/21/2004 12:56:00 am

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