will.u.be.with.me

[[Wednesday, November 12, 2003]]

well .. today go anderson again .. i dunno y .. but juz feel very sad .. tough i sort of put up a brave front ... haiz .. i dunno why also ... u noe .. i juz cannot stop think abt that MeLvIn n Yc ... i guess i am juz too worried .. wad am i doin this .. feelin sad n disappointed with myself @ the moment .. when i log on to see some comic strip juz now .. i saw this commited suicide .. haiz .. i imagine myself jumping down from my house .. i "saw" ppl coming around me .. then i got the attention i want .. but .. i dunno .. something juz pull me baq .. n i found myself staring out of the window .. dunno lahg .. called paul when i go buy food @ the Cold Storage .. erm .. was really moody am take wadever comes in my way .. wasn't aware dat i will be away tml ... yar .. i dunno .. haiz .. was really moody since the june holi n i get more contact with yc .. i dunno lah ... feeling so confused ... i was wondering wad am i doin all this for juz to get her .. yap .. i juz con't give up on her .. u noe .. i was suppose to be happy after the ACE camp .. but i found myself in between sadness n sorrow .. haiz .. some force or rather God tell me not to give up .. i am really stressed .. n .. i dunno wad am i doin all this .. thinking of jumping out of the window .. yar .. but .. ppl say its silly ... how would they noe if they dim go thru this things like relationship .. haiz .. i dun think they noe also .. they juz think its silly .. but they dunno how depress those ppl was .. yar ... i now fully understand why ppl feel that the world is hopeless n suicide .. haiz .. yar ... its not stupid @ all .. i now change my view totally .. haiz .. btw .. juz had conf with yc hm n mich ... I bet 100% .. yc does not noe how i really felt .. and i admitted i tried to be friendly with them in the first place .. but as they tok abt me n the melvin .. i dunno juz loose my temper .. i feel dat it was not suppose to be the way i talk to them ... i dunno ... yc ask me abt the previous entry .. yar .. i think i shold be aware of wad i say next time .. it really bringz alot of trouble.. yar .. starting to find myself being li(3) youg(3) by others .. haiz .. i dunno .. i dunno .. i really dunno .. haiz ... may be God wads me to be in this way to sharpen me .. but .. i am really weak inside tough i try to be as manly as possible .. i can't take it .. sometimes .. i admit .. i cry to my pillow .. RuThY .. if u r lookin @ this .. i am sry to make u heartbroken the other time .. now i noe how u feels le .. if its possible .. hope u can forgive me ... yar .. will be seeing u soon .. rmb .. i gong baq tml .. yar .. haiz .. iwill talk to ya abt it when i got home .. will u be @ the airport waiting for me ? .. hope so ... yar .. as u noe .. i will cry again .. i feel so stupid .. why peeps muz think that guyz cannot cry .. its so stupid .. guyz r also human right .. we guyz also have feels .. not some wierd barbarians .. haiz .. i dunno .. sometimes i reflect on wad i do n the way ppl respone to me .. i juz cried ... yar .. may be i should juz start a new .. i dunno lah .. may be i should juz go home .. n nv come sg again .. SJI is a gd skool .. but after i join the skool i feel dat i wasn't really welcomed by anyone .. yar .. feeling alone n stuff .... Oh GoD .. i have some sucidal tots again .. but .. everytime i imagine i die .. i will imagine my oarents crying like mad .. n this soften my heart .. yar .. i tried to cut myself b4 .. pour hot water .. yar .. haiz .. i dunno .. juz now yc ask me if i will be online if i am in tw .. i dunno if she got any evil plan behind it .. or juz simply mish me .. yar .. stupid .. i think rot again .. its so impossible to be the letter .. yar .. i am juz simply day dreaming .. i feel that yc is changing from wad she was to some ****** .. i dunno lah .. dim really want to mention the word .. yar .. hope she can be back to normal .. ninh sisimh .. SiGn OfF .. YaNgYaNg .. YC can u juz gif me a chance .. i will love u 4ever ...

william.lee.wei.yang
11/12/2003 03:56:00 am

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